You can almost picture the scene: An Egyptian soldier is wailing on a hapless Hebrew when Moses, clothed in head-to- toe black, drops down from the ceiling. Moving with cat-like grace, he sneaks up behind the soldier and, taking his head in his hands, snaps the man’s neck with one savage twist. As the lifeless body slumps to the ground, Moses lights up a cigar. “Well,” he quips, “looks like someone bit off more than he could JEW.
– The Bible, better than any video game. (via natface) Via Sweetness and LightVia Fresh To Death.
My name is Daddy!
A few months ago Reese started to call me Niles. Not just every once in a while, but that is all she called me.
She knows that her mom’s name is Lindsay, but she doesn’t call her by her name. Only me.
The other day I asked her not to call me Niles anymore. She just looked at me and said, “Ok Pastor Niles.”
Guide to Marketing yourself
Here is a short portion of an article I came across from comedian Aziz Ansari, from the comedy troupe Human Giant.
You can read the whole article here…
The Secret of Viral Marketing
Viral marketing is the notion of marketing yourself in conjunction with an infectious disease, such as tuberculosis. Malcolm Gladwell once described a case where Nike bought ad space in tuberculosis info pamphlets to promote the Air Jordans in the early 90s. Pretty soon, whenever people were polled about tuberculosis, they started talking about how they’d much rather have Air Jordans than tuberculosis. Sales soon spiked, and the technique has since become commonplace.
How to Market Your Inherent Sex Appeal
Sex appeal is a crucial part of marketing yourself. A great way to increase your sex appeal is to smell good. An easy way to do this is purchase “I AM KING,” the new fragrance from Sean John. Once wearing the fragrance, do sexy things: ride a Jet Ski with a tuxedo on, shoot a machine gun or take a photo in front of a large explosion — make sure you have a face that says, “Oh, the explosion behind me? That’s not a big deal in my life.”
Things to Avoid at All Costs
Avoid negative associations. Here’s a great example that you should keep in mind with the holidays coming up. Never send out a Christmas card of yourself with a notable celebrity that recently said the n-word . The exception being if you took my advice from earlier and are a celebrity that said the n-word recently, in which case, have a Christmas card with you sitting on a black Santa’s lap saying “All I want for Christmas is racial harmony. Sorry about the n-word thing, I will NEVER say it again. Happy Holidays!”
About Me
This is the online chronicle of Niles Holsinger.But let's not kid ourselves. I know that no one is really reading this, so really, this is just a way for me to kill time when I have nothing else to do. But if you do care, and you are still reading this, and want to know a little more about me then here you go...
I am the husband of Lindsay, the father of Reese, the son of David and Winona, the brother of Haven and Grayson, the son-in-law of Paul and Judi, the brother-in-law of Brandon and Bryce. Oh, and Jesus and I are tight.
My first car was a Saturn, my current car is a mystique, I once helped crash a moving truck into a pole and knocked out power to half of Grapevine Mainstreet. I am not really sure what a "new age beverage" is and I love...Pumpkins?
To contact me: nwhdirect {at} yahoo dot com
